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My wife Liz and I have owned a medium-sized New Jersey Private Investigator firm since 2016. One of the saddest calls our New Jersey Private Detective Agency receives are calls from men and women victimized by cheating spouses. The pain expressed by these victims of infidelity is deep; most often, these men and women are being gaslighted by those they are in love with. In speaking with them, we find that they are often emotionally exhausted from the pressure put upon them by a cheating spouse.

To expand on the previous paragraph in which I describe the psychological damage infidelity causes to its victim, I will supply some data from my business website, This article was written in January of 2023; in totality, over the last thirty days, we have had 7,583 visitors to our website. of those 7,583 visitors, 3,343 of the website visits went directly to our “Signs of a Cheating Spouse” Page . More importantly, these visits to our website came from throughout the United States, not just New Jersey. When we dig further into the data, we see that these website visits occur twenty-four hours a day, three-hundred-sixty-five days a year. These statistics are sad, they point to how hurtful a cheating partner can be to his/her victim.


cheating spouse

Upon intaking calls from victims of cheating spouses, one of the main emotions the victim describes is loneliness. Victims of infidelity often have no one to talk to, the cheater often starts to isolate the victim from his friends while beginning to push away from friendships that the couple had acquired during their relationship. The cheater will ten often return to his old friendships if only to just provide cover for his infidelity.

The victim of a cheating spouse often describes feeling isolated from their family; they are too embarrassed to let others know. This is unfortunate because family is often a solid support structure needed when other family members go through traumatic times.

One of the first needs a victim of a cheating spouse will need in order to cope with the trauma of betrayal is someone to talk to.


First and foremost, a New Jersey Cheating Spouse Investigator must empathize with the infidelity victim when contacted. This simply means that a New Jersey Private Detective receiving a call from a person who suspects their partner is unfaithful must have the ability to understand and share the emotions of the victim.

My staff and I are very empathetic when dealing with men/women involved in a relationship with an unfaithful partner. Every cheating spouse call we receive is handled as if it comes from a friend or close family member. At our private detective agency, we realize each and every one of us could be in the exact same situation, and some of us have.

Renowned psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified three components of empathy: Cognitive, Emotional, and Compassionate, (the full article can be found at this link)

Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman describe those three components of empathy further when they write in sum and substance their description of the three components of empathy:

  • Cognitive: “Simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking.” – This simply means that if you can visualize yourself in another person’s position, you know that this person is sad and worried because she is in the crux of a calamity where her relationship is crumbling. However, if you only have cognitive empathy this will keep you at a distance from a person. To truly connect with this person, you need to share their feelings. This is where emotional empathy comes in.
  • Emotional: When you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were transmittable.
  • Compassionate: With Compassionate empathy, you not only understand a person’s dilemma and feel with them but are instinctively moved to help this person if needed.

Our company is a medium-sized New Jersey Private Investigator Firm conducting private investigations throughout New Jersey. On the back end of our website, we conduct monthly business audits to determine the direction and value of our website to our clients. Analytics tells us we have close to 8,000 people visiting our website in a typical month. Approximately 1,000 visitors to our private investigator website are from New Jersey, they visit various pages. However, the most interesting metric was that close to 5,500 visitors to our NJ Private Detective Website visited our “Signs of A Cheating Spouse” Web Page.


Our company is a medium-sized New Jersey Private Investigator Firm conducting private investigations throughout New Jersey. On the back end of our website, we conduct monthly business audits to determine the direction and value of our website to our clients.
It is important that readers understand that our analytics and metrics review does permit us to determine who the viewer is. The data only provides a general area of the state, time and date, and whether the viewer is a repeat visitor.

As discussed earlier in this article, when we took deep dive into our New Jersey Private Detective website analytics, we find the following:

  1. We have visitors to our “Signs of a Cheating Spouse” Page coming from all fifty states, as well as many visitors from outside the United States
  2. The visitors to the “Signs of a Cheating Spouse” Page are on the web page at all hours of the day. The most heart-wrenching is when you see all the people who visit our website between the hours of 10 PM and 6 AM. Equally disturbing is the amount of people on the website during major holidays. The thought of this has to make one feel badly for the victims of infidelity in their relationships.
    3. Lastly, a majority of visitors to our “Signs of a Cheating Spouse” Web Page spend a significant amount of time on the page. We have seen some visitors on the page for as long as one hour plus, and we have multiple repeat visitors
    It is important that readers understand that our analytics and metrics review does permit us to determine who the viewer is. The data only provides a general area of the state, time and date, and whether the viewer is a repeat visitor.

Regarding the section I just wrote, I suggest you seek out an infidelity investigator who is empathetic to your situation. Many private investigators are not empathetic to the client. Many Cheating Spouse Investigators have retired from law enforcement, they are not bad people, but many just aren’t wired to provide that empathy that a victim needs. I would suggest that you call around until you find an infidelity Investigator that has compassion and understanding for the trauma you are going through.

The takeaway should be you are not alone, there are many victims of a cheating spouses out there. The question that remains is, do you want to remain a victim of an unfaithful partner?


The overarching goal of any New Jersey Private Investigator in conducting a cheating spouse investigation is to help our client in reaching the truth. The best way an infidelity investigator can arrive at the truth is to confirm or dispel if a client’s partner is unfaithful. A client’s pain can be alleviated by providing evidence of infidelity or proof that the partner is faithful; unfortunately, the former is often easier to prove than the latter.

Obtaining evidence the client is not involved in an affair outside the relationship is hard because the Cheating Spouse Investigator must provide “negative evidence.” For instance, if the client does not believe his/her partner is going to the places where and when they say they are, this may provide an avenue of investigation. One way a New Jersey Private Detective can assist is to conduct surveillance and verify whether the investigation’s subject is honest about their activities. If evidence is collected over a period of time that the subject of the investigation is being truthful, that may be all the client needs.


Cheating Spouse InvestigatorWhat to do after a New Jersey Private Detective obtains evidence of infidelity is entirely up to you, the client. It is not the job of private investigators to be judgmental when providing a victim of infidelity with evidence of unfaithfulness. I have often been told that private detectives will give unsolicited advice after a private investigator provides evidence of infidelity. Our private detective agency has had many clients who were distraught after being shown proof of their partners betrayal. Clients will frequently ask what they should do. Should a victim of adultery stay with their partner? Should a person split from their partner?

When advice is solicited, as opposed to being unsolicited, we will tell the client the experiences we had over the years with other clients while, of course, protecting the anonymity of past customers. Essentially the answer is one size does not fit all; the client should ask themselves the following:

  1. Do you wish to salvage the relationship?
  2. Will the cheating partner go to counseling?
  3. Will you be able to once again be happy in your relationship after such a monumental breach of trust?

The Client will also have to consider the following factors in conjunction with the preceding questions:

  1. The length of the relationship
  2. Whether or not children are involved
  3. Will you really ever be able to forgive the cheater

At the end of everything, it is up to the person victimized by their cheating partner. Believe it or not, many of our past clients have kept in touch with us. We found that many clients had tried to repair their relationships but most failed. The clients who did not fail (at least up to this writing) spoke of the amount of time required to work on their relationship and restore some semblance of trust. Whatever decision you make, it will be hard, but it is necessary that you get on with your life.

If you need to conduct a background check on an individual with whom you have either a romantic or platonic relationship, you need to do due diligence in retaining the services of a background investigator who is truly professional, knowledgeable, and experienced. Cowan Investigations provides services that are thorough, expertly done, and firmly within the boundaries of New Jersey law, allowing you to know the history of the person in question and giving you the peace of mind you need to move forward with your life.

If you feel your partner is cheating on you, call Cowen investigations at 732-952-1723 or visit our contact page and fill out the form

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