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    Signs of a Cheating Partner


    Work with a New Jersey Private Investigator you can trust, contact former Jersey City Police Chief Bob Cowan for a free 30 minute consultation.

    As A Licensed New Jersey Private Investigator I have Spoken With Many Clients Who Suspected Their Husband, Wife, Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Partner were Cheating On them. I really feel for these victims of Infidelity that are in are in a relationship where the partner is unfaithful.

    Many times the victims of infidelity get a “Gut Feeling Or Instinct”, they may have suspected for days, maybe weeks., that something is wrong or off between them and their spouse, and they begin to wonder if maybe it might be…. NO! That’s not possible. Other people have affairs, not us; what we have is special. Then again there was that thing last week, when my spouse brought it up, she twisted it around as if I were the one with the jealousy issue! “I was just being paranoid–I was crazy for thinking like that!” she said. Still there’s that nagging doubt in my mind.

    As a New Jersey Private Investigator investigating numerous cases of Infidelity I have been able to put together some of the signs of Infidelity, the signals that your spouse may be cheating. As a Private Investigator I have learned that nothing is absolute, The behaviors I describe are only indicators of a cheating spouse and are not absolutes! If your spouse has one or two of these behaviors, and there is a legitimate reason and a mutual agreement (such as you two talk about it and agree to try to lose weight…and they’ve gone a little obsessive about it), these signs do NOT prove infidelity. But when you observe several, or maybe MOST, of these behaviors, your marriage or relationship may be in big trouble! Again, let me reiterate that these behaviors are only indicators of an affair.

    The Classic Clue:

    When you see lipstick on your husband’s shirt or strange hairs on their clothing or in the car.

    Sign 1–Gut Instinct:

    • The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
    • Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
    • Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
    • You find intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that are gifts for someone else and have not been given to you.

    Sign 2–Behavior That Is Not Their Usual Character:

    • When your partner shows up without their wedding ring or suddenly stops wearing it and makes lame excuses as to why. This also goes for jewelry you might have purchased for them and you catch them not wearing it when they go out when usually they wear it at all time.
    • When they break their established routine at work and home for no apparent or logical reason; erratic behavior.
    • When your mate becomes suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him/her everything several times; their thoughts are obviously elsewhere.
    • When they appears distant, show a lack of interest, or develop an unexplained aloofness that wasn’t there before.
    • When their behavior just doesn’t add up.
    • When your wife sleeps with her purse by the bed, or your husband sneaks out of the house.
    • When your spouse suddenly starts completely ignoring you and not listening to what you are saying -OR- when they suddenly begin to treat you extremely nicely…more so than usual.
    • When they encourage you to have a social life and go places out of town, and it seems like they’re trying to get you “out of the house.”
    • When your husband or wife begins to intentionally look at or flirt with the opposite sex when in the past, this is something they would not have done.

    Sign 3–Birth Control:

    • When you find birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy -OR-
    • When you find condoms in the car or in his pockets, and you are on the pill.

    Sign 4–Showering/Cologne:

    • When he or she leaves the house in the morning smelling like their usual fragrance and returns in the evening smelling like something else.
    • When they arrive home and head straight into the shower or bath, and they work an office job.
    • When your spouse’s clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave used by the opposite sex
    • When he or she has worn the same fragrance for years, and suddenly they are wearing something new and wearing MUCH more than usual.

    Sign 5–Uncomfortable Around You:

    • When your mutual friends start acting strangely toward you, because they either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible spouse you are.
    • When your spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence, because either they know about the afair or have heard horror stories to justify it.
    • When your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is “touchy” and easily moved to anger.
    • When your spouse avoids social events with you, as if they want to cover up that they are with you.

    Sign 6–Electronic Clues:

    Email clues~

    • When your spouse sets up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it.
    • When your spouse spends all their time on the email, checking their email, or fooling with email somehow.
    • When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all emails from the email account (and it’s not just a clean up) and in the past they used to let them accumulate.
    • When they delete an email the minute it comes in, and then delete the trash to make sure you don’t see it.

    Cell phone clues~

    • When s/he buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know about it.
    • When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all messages from the voicemail where as they used to accumulate.
    • When they suddenly delete all caller IDs from the phone so you can’t see them.
    • When s/he sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to the office.
    • When you aren’t allowed to ever look at or use their cell phone, and they go to great lenghts to make certain their cell is not answered by you.
    • When your spouse is secretive about their cell phone and it is on their person 24/7, and they are on it talking or texting that whole time.
    • When they receive bizarre text messages from friends you never realised knew–in other words having ‘pretend’ names in their phone that are really the OP.

    Computer signs~

    • When they stay up to “work” or “play a game” on the computer after you go to bed. Excessive internet usage, especially late at night, is a red flag.
    • When your spouse will not allow you access to their computer or they suddenly shut down the computer when you walk into the room.
    • When they may password protect their laptop or computer to keep out suspicious eyes.
    • When she or he warily guards access to their chatrooms, chat logs, games, Facebook page, or other social media.
    • When your spouse has unusual sites showing in the “browser history” (such as “adultfriendfinder” or “ashleymadison”), or erases their history after each late-night session.

    Sign 7–Things Are Just Different at Home:

    • When your spouse raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
    • When they have a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry (and they never have before) and it’s like they’re trying to find or hide something.
    • When he/she shows a sudden interest in a different type of music that they really disliked before.
    • When your spouse loses attention in the activities in the home and seems forgetful, distracted or like they don’t care.
    • When he/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home…including the children.
    • When you notice that your partner loses their ability and desire to show the children the attention they need or a lack of desire to do any fix-ups around the house, e.g., lawn care, painting, cleaning the garage, house repairs, etc. They might turn this around on you at the same time and accuse you of never doing anything or treating the child/children badly.
    • When they are always tired or demonstrate a noticeable lack of energy or interest in the relationship.
    • When they sleep on the sofa some of the night.
    • When you two don’t go to bed together, and they tell you not to wait up when you have always done so.
    • When your spouse suddenly asks about your schedule more often than usual–wanting to know where you’ll be and when.
    • When they talk to you they treat you abusively or with disdain, disrespect or excessive sarcasm. Or. . . they may begin to find fault in everything you do in an attempt to justify their affair.
    • When your spouse is exceedingly critical and sometimes mocking you.
    • When your spouse becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him/her, usually out of guilt.
    • When they begin to speak more and more harshly to you, or are more sarcastic. Sometimes this is just an attempt to justify their cheating…or to give them an excuse to storm out of the room/house.
    • When you notice that they are reluctant to kiss you or accept your affection and/or they criticize you for showing attention.
    • When your spouse ignores or criticizes your loving behavior and thoughtful ways. Example : “Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m just not like that.”

    Sign 8–Lots and Lots of Changes:

    • When s/he joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program and “hated” exercise before.
    • When your spouse buys new, sexy underwear and you never see it.
    • When they have a sudden preoccupation with their appearance.
    • Her: When she gets spiffed up and dresses provocatively to “go grocery shopping” or to “get her hair done.” She may also show up with a sudden change of hair style. Him: When he showers, shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.) and dresses up more than usual to “go out with his buddies” or to “go fishing.”
    • When your spouse begin to make sudden and excessive purchases of clothes or an unexplained change in clothing style (for example, from business professional to steampunk).
    • When they show a sudden interest in a different type of music that they always hated before.

    Sign 9–Telephone Mannerisms That Are Different:

    • When your spouse receives “mysterious” phone calls that don’t seem to make sense–and when you ask who called, they say, “No one”, “Wrong number”, or “Why do you care?”
    • When YOU get an increasing number of hang-ups or “wrong numbers” when you pick up the phone especially if the caller hangs up after hearing your voice and doesn’t speak. Generally when a person dials a “wrong” number, they will at least ask, “Is Fred there?” before hanging up.
    • When your phone bills show unexplained toll or long distance charges. Often you’ll find one phone number listed excessively.
    • When s/he Hurriedly picks up the phone to answer it before you do.
    • When they leave the room to talk on the phone.
    • When your spouse Whispers while on the phone.
    • When s/he deletes the information (name and phone number) from “caller ID”.
    • When they behave differently or end the telephone call abruptly when you enter the room…or appear to hang up quickly.
    • When your spouse tells you to get ahold of him or her at a different telephone number (they don’t want you calling while they’re with the OP).

    Sign 10–Automobile Related Signs That Something is Up:

    • When the passenger’s seat is adjusted differently than you had left it.
    • When your spouse takes the child seat and/or kid’s toys out of the car for no particular reason.
    • When you find suspicious items in the car like phone numbers, receipts, lipstick, condoms or strange hairs in the vehicle.
    • When they begin to keep a change of clothes hidden in the trunk of the car or an unusual amount of clothes changes at the gym.
    • When the car has unexplainable mileage or a lack of additional mileage. For example, if your husband states that he went out of town yet the odometer indicates that only a distance of 25 miles had been driven. Conversely, if he says that he’s only been to the office that day, yet their odometer shows many more miles had been driven, this too, may be a significant matter.
    • When s/he “goes to the store for groceries” or “goes to get some gas” or “goes to the bank” (a task that should take just a few minutes) and comes home 5 hours later.
    • When you notice increased gas purchases that are inconsistent with the amount of miles on the car.

    Sign 11–Paper Trails of a Cheating Spouse:

    • When you find credit card receipts for gifts you didn’t receive -OR- your credit card bills itemizes gifts you didn’t receive (such as florist or jewelry).
    • When you find the credit card receipts showing purchases from places unknown to you or that seem suspect -OR- when your credit card bill itemizes odd places.
    • When you see an increase in ATM withdrawals on your bank statement, especially those from out-of-town.
    • When you find ATM receipts bearing a time/date stamp from a city you don’t recognize. [Cheating costs money! To play you must pay.]
    • When they begin to volunteer to go to the post office, rushes to check the mail before you do or opens up a new P.O. box perhaps without even telling you.
    • When unusual phone numbers appear on the phone bill.
    • When the duration and time of the calls on the phone bill appear excessive.
    • When they are secretive about their cell phone bill or they start to pay it themselves.
    • When you notice business travel or other deductions on their expense account for travel or other expenses of which you were not aware.

    Sign 12–Sex Tip-offs That Something’s Wrong:

    • When s/he is no longer interested in sex, or s/he makes excuses for its infrequency.
    • When your spouse starts to request kinky or other erotic sexual activity (behavior) that you’ve never done before, including watching porn.
    • When they show a “new talent” in the bedroom (that they might have learned from the individual with whom they’ve been cheating).
    • When s/he appears reluctant to kiss you, or show affection toward you.
    • When your spouse continues giving poor excuses for why they’re not in the mood to make love.
    • When they have unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
    • When s/he suddenly wants more sex, more often.

    Sign 13–Work-related Signs That They May Be Cheating:

    • When s/he works longer hours, more frequently
    • When they supposedly work a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
    • When they change their established routine with no apparent reason.
    • When s/he begins discouraging you from calling him or her at work.
    • When your spouse is often “unavailable” when you try to call him or her at work.
    • When they returns calls long after you leave a message for him or her.
    • When s/he prefers to attend work functions (or any events) alone and tries to discourage you from attending.
    • When your spouse1 takes more trips for business reasons and even refuses to let you drive him or her to the airport.
    • When you find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work – but supposedly worked on those days.
    • Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
    • When the amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
    • When they are late home from work and always have an excuse ready.
    • When s/he claims to be stressed with work problems when questioned about their odd behaviour.

    Sign 14–Things you’ll hear:

    • “We are just friends.”
    • “I need you to respect my privacy.”
    • “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.”
    • “I need some space to figure out my feelings.”

    Social Reviews

    Cowan Investigations Icon Cowan Investigations

    2360 Lakewood Road suite 3 unit 236, Toms River

    5.0 33 reviews

    • Avatar Megan Parker ★★★★★ 2 months ago
      I approached Cowan Investigations from out of state with a delicate situation that needed to be handled in NJ and Liz made me feel at ease and in good hands immediately! Both Liz and Bob reviewed my case and got back to be the same day … More with a great price and additional suggestions to make sure I was satisfied with the planning they had come up with. It was important to me for all parties involved in my case to feel comfortable and Liz and Bob definitely fit the bill! They took the time to gather all the information needed and completely exceeded my expectations. I originally chose to call Cowan Investigations because of the professional website and Bob's credentials, but it was the personal care and service that cemented their agency for me. Thanks again Liz!!
    • Avatar Tommy Musselman ★★★★★ 3 months ago
      I didn't personally have the pleasure of meeting Mr. Cowan but Liz was so incredibly efficient and professional!! Within hrs she had already gotten answers to a question that has tormented me for a long time.
      If you need ANY investigative
      … More work done trust Cowan. This was my 1st time dealing with an investigative service and I was best pleased!! 5 stars all the way! A special thank you to Liz. You're a dear and I will always remember your warmth, sympathy and professionalism. Always.
    • Avatar Anthony S ★★★★★ 8 months ago
      Best of the Best!
      Worked with Bob during his tenure as the former Chief of the Jersey City Police Department. All I can say is that you will be getting what you pay for with this results driven company.
      A leader within the industry with
      … More over 34+ years in law enforcement as well as a proven track record of accomplishments in the field. If I needed a private investigator, Cowan Investigations would be my first choice, hands down.
    • Avatar Rae ★★★★★ a year ago
      I would highly recommend Cowan Investigations. From the time you speak to Liz on the phone until the time Bob is finished with the investigation you will always know what is going on, what is taking place, and what they found. You will … More be provided with detailed information and surveillance. Bob is very well trained in this field and will provide you with outstanding work. Both Bob and Liz are very compassionate and caring people and make you feel comfortable through the whole process. At the end of the investigation you’ll know that you have hired the right people for the job.
    • Avatar Jay White ★★★★★ 10 months ago
      As a retired Deputy Police Chief with the Jersey City Police Department I had the privilege of working with Bob Cowan for over 25 years.
      Bob is an honest and ethical professional who shows empathy towards people in unfortunate situations.
      … More
      Bob’s objective analysis and evaluation of an issue enables him to address the true problem at hand.
      His strong analytical abilities coupled with thorough research and attention to detail make him an ideal private investigator.
      I know his clients will receive a comprehensive detailed report that will stand up in any hearing or court of law.
      Bob is a high caliber dedicated professional who will give it his all to address the issues at hand and achieve results.
    • A Google User ★★★★★ 10 months ago
      As a retired Deputy Police Chief with the Jersey City Police Department I had the privilege of working with Bob Cowan for over 25 years.
      Bob is an honest and ethical professional who shows empathy towards people in unfortunate situations.
      … More
      Bob’s objective analysis and evaluation of an issue enables him to address the true problem at hand.
      His strong analytical abilities coupled with thorough research and attention to detail make him an ideal private investigator.
      I know his clients will receive a comprehensive detailed report that will stand up in any hearing or court of law.
      Bob is a high caliber dedicated professional who will give it his all to address the issues at hand and achieve results.
    • Avatar Sarah V ★★★★★ a year ago
      I have been married for over 25 years, 2 years ago things just started not feeling right, I started having suspicions that my husband was cheating. I felt trapped, I was embarrassed to talk about it with anyone. I put up with feeling … More this way for two years.
      I began researching private investigators because I was fed up with being lied to and deceived, talked to like I was crazy. I called a few investigators but I did not feel comfortable, I felt like I was talking to used car salesmen. Just before I was going to give up I called Cowan Investigations. From the minute I began speaking to Liz Cowan I began to feel comfortable, she was very genuine, caring and knowledgeable on how to proceed. Liz set up a call with Bob who I immediately could tell was very experienced and knew how to proceed.
      Over a 4 day period Bob and Joe uncovered the evidence I needed to confront the lies and other deceptions I was subjected to, which let me make the decisions I needed to make for myself. Above all I was able to regain my self respect by getting the proof I needed.
      From time Liz answered the phone until Bob and Joe finished the investigation, I was overwhelmed by the professionalism and caring they displayed towards me and the investigation.
      Thanks again Liz, Bob and Joe, you’re the best
    • Avatar Fidel Hernandez ★★★★★ a year ago
      If there was a way to give this Gentleman ten stars, I would. Don't be mistaken by the use of the word "gentleman" he is a hound and he zeros in on the minutia of the investigation. He is a real detective with a extensive … More background in law enforcement.
      I thought that I had a really good understanding of my case and then I hired Bob Cowan. He exposed so many things that were hidden in plain sight that it blew my mind and consequently gave me much needed peace of mind.
      From the time he took my case, he kept in constant contact with me. All throughout, he explained things in way that I could understand. He was reassuring, professional and the best guy for the job!
      I am in the unenviable position of knowing what I am saying. It can and is, at times, overwhelming when you have to hire a private investigator. This usually arises from a traumatic experience and the reason why you should surround yourself with someone who knows what this experience fells like.
      I trust Bob Cowan and hope he continues to help others, like he helped me. I am grateful to have been referred to him! Thank you, Sir.
      And yes, I would be remiss if I didn't thank his wife Liz. She took my initial phone call and she knew I needed his help. She was warm and kind. Just what you need when you are faced with these situations...Thank you, Liz.
    • Avatar Susie K ★★★★★ a year ago
      I recently had the need to use a private investigator. After looking at several options, I decided to call Cowan Investigations. The decision to call them turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. I really like the fact that … More Mr. Cowan has a law enforcement background and is a former Chief of Police for Jersey City. After my first conversation with Liz Cowan I knew I had called the right people. She made me feel very comfortable when I answered all the questions she needed to get the facts regarding a very complicated situation. Liz is very thorough, caring, and very professional and usually available when I had questions. Liz and Bob make you, their priority. I NEVER had to worry if Mr. Cowan would be working on my case at the time I was promised. He was always at the location, on time, very descrete and went way above and beyond my expectations. I was informed of the progress on a daily basis and over a period of 4-5 days, had enough evidence to prove my case. The reports are very professionally written with dates and time stamped. It says a lot when my lawyer called Bob Cowan and complimented him on the great report he gave to my lawyer, to take to court. I feel the evidence gathered by Cowan Investigations and presented to the judge, by my lawyer, made a huge difference in the judge's decision. I met Mr. Cowan and shook his hand after I won the case. I highly recommend Cowan Investigations and will definitely use them again if needed. Thank you for all your hard work, you are the best!

    Cowan Investigations
    Based on 3 reviews
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    Hector Vargas
    Hector Vargas
    7 hours ago
    amazing job being done for the community.
    Bill Schaff
    Bill Schaff
    10 hours ago
    We cannot thank Bob and Liz enough for helping us with a matter that was probably outside the realm of their normal practice. They were instrumental in assisting us in reaching out to an unscrupulous used car salesman. The individual wouldn't return our calls and obviously, did not wish to be found.Due to their tireless efforts and many phone calls, we were finally put in touch with him. With their help, the situation was fully resolved! They handled the situation with the utmost care and professionalism. We strongly recommend Cowan Investigations as they are very good at what they do!
    Justin Delaney
    Justin Delaney
    March 18, 2018 ·
    Cowan Investigations
    Based on 1 Reviews
    Fidel H.
    Fidel H.
    2019-11-28 07:20:51
    On this thanksgiving day, I can say that I am very grateful for the peace of mind this detailed investigator gave me. Not only did he provide me with the...